Self-Acceptance

I really struggle with it. I can say I’m not at square one, but maybe square 3. A lot of my daily frustrations and worries about my life come from my lack of self-acceptance. If you couldn’t tell, I think and reflect a lot about myself and my journey. Trauma and my years of depression have made it very difficult thus far to treat myself with patience as I heal and grow. I have a lot of negative self-talk when I “fail” or experience setbacks, and it’s because I’m never satisfied with myself. Okay, maybe not never but super rarely. I was taught that I’m not enough from an early age and so that’s still the story I’m struggling to change.

I constantly find myself using the word irrational or the phrase “not based in reality” to describe most of the baggage in my mind and heart. To me, those don’t sound all that positive, which might not be important, idk. For years now I’ve tried to be aware of my words and their impact on my beliefs. I don’t know what I’d say instead that feels better though. Maybe that’s something to tackle another time.

I really care about improving my ability to accept myself. I know it’ll make both my daily life more peaceful and healthy as well as allow me to accept others more readily. That peaceful part I mentioned? I cannot understate how noisy my head is, and how much of that noise comes from insecurities, projecting onto others, and feeling I’m not enough. I’ve had moments here and there where the noise is absent for one reason or another. It’s one of my favorite things I’ve ever experienced. Allowing myself to truly exist, and not ascribe meaning to my every thought or action, or create false realities in my head, is an ultimate goal of mine. I’m pretty sure it’ll take years and years to get there, wherever “there” is exactly.

Setbacks are a frequent experience in growth and learning. I want to handle them better. I want to feel unbothered and move on unimpeded, emotionally. Sometimes I’m so aware of all of my “flaws” or things I feel stuck with that I get really really down on myself. I’m not a fan of doing that to myself. Acceptance, Patience, Compassion. If I can embody those values with myself more fully, then I imagine I’ll feel nearly invincible. It’s a part of loving yourself ya know? Hurtful things will bounce off of you instead of sticking. You will feel safe when you’re alone with your thoughts. It’s a practice of self-acceptance even accepting my progress towards greater self-acceptance. I’m doing the work, slowly but surely.