I had a massive anxiety attack through the night last night. The strange thing was I don’t know why or where it came from. It was just the pure emotion. It was intense and awful and when I woke up I was at a loss of what to do or what it could have meant.…

I don’t know what I want to write but decided that I’ll put something down anyway. I’ve been pretty sick since Friday and it’s quite the bummer. There’s a lot of reasons right now to be with people and do things, yet it’s realistically not all that feasible. It stinks. If I’m struggling in life…

God it’s rough out here. In a nutshell, it’s as though my younger, traumatized, scared self is taking control of my life again. I can feel the fear and anxiety welling up and it’s not rational whatsoever. I am used to feeling things that come from thoughts. These last 2 weeks it’s just the emotions.…

It’s weird how different life can feel one day to the next. I’m trying to accept that. I’ve spent so much of my life treating myself like a robot that can just keep its motor going no matter what. Who the fuck did I think I was? So many thought patterns and deeply hidden beliefs…

It’s been a while. When I’m depressed and go in survival mode, no part of me wants to keep up with stuff like this. Everything becomes difficult, draining, and overwhelming and I hardly even remember that I have this blog. It won’t surprise you then, that I am feeling better as of a few days…

(The modern world, artificial world, etc. refers to social media, news, politics, technology, the entertainment industry, advertisements, everything we come to associate capitalism and greed with these days.) A lot of us are stuck in patterns of defense that come from a mindset of survival and a search for security and peace. The world can…

Up until 2 weeks ago, I never once believed or thought that. I’ve been in therapy for what amounts to 5 of the last 7 years, and the topic has come up more than once. In all that time it never registered with me; that the belief “I’m not enough” was running every aspect of…