Hi again

It’s weird how different life can feel one day to the next. I’m trying to accept that. I’ve spent so much of my life treating myself like a robot that can just keep its motor going no matter what. Who the fuck did I think I was? So many thought patterns and deeply hidden beliefs about myself that were just ruining my mental health came to light recently. It’s nice seeing them more clearly. It doesn’t fix any of them, but it does let me catch them and give a counter argument before it just runs its course like it did before. Allowing myself to just be is so hard. Allowing myself to be angry, to experience lust, to be sad and to not identify these things as an immediate problem to urgently solve is hard. But it’s important. so important. I need to let go of trying so hard and restricting myself so much and finding some fault in everything that I do.